Feijoa-ina.

Vagina.

That’s the technical term but it sounds a bit clinical for the purposes of this blog (or for using mid sex I reckon) so let’s try and come up with another term I can use on here.

I generally use ‘fanny’ but since it is S’s grandmother’s name and I’d hate him to be thinking of that fanny while he was anywhere near mine and since could be confusing for all (ha!) my readers from the USA, I think I should keep trying.

My son calls it a feijoa-ina. For those of you not from NZ, a feijoa is a fruit that tastes kinda like a guava and smells like, well, a feijoa.

Not like fish or chicken.

Sometimes I call it a ‘va-jay-jay’ but I always think that I sound like I am trying to be Oprah. Although I would like to have something else in common with her other than being fat.

Pussy. That’s what S calls it but I dunno, it sounds pretty porno. During the recent miscarriage saga I overheard a conversation he had with one of his sisters, who is in her late 50’s.

“Yes, so then Livvy had a scan of her pussy...”.

Ew!

Wrong.

A friend told her daughter it was called “Madge the Vadge”. Cute when she’s 4 but when she’s 20 and telling her boyfriend it’s called Madge is kinda like having another person in the bed, don’t you think? Then again, she might like that. He certainly would.

Then there’s that word starting with c that rhymes with hunt. At the risk of offending my readers (that’s the advantage of having none I guess!) ‘hunt’ is fine as an expletive when fuck just doesn’t do it but not great for describing your vagina in every day conversation.

Snatch?

Growler?

Beaver?

Muff?

Pink bits?

Gash?

Cooch?

Box?

Beef curtains?

I have to stop, R just asked me what was so funny and I’m not explaining this to him.

Fanny it is.