There is a risk that I could lose some of my followers by this post but I can't pretend any longer...

I just don’t get the fascination with Simon Baker.



Sure, he seems like a nice family man and he’s not ugly.

But I think he looks filthy.

Not in a ‘let’s have filthy sex’ way if you know what I mean (and I am sure you do).

But filthy in a ‘he needs a really good wash behind his ears way’.

Ew, and especially his hair.

But George on the other hand...



Well that’d definitely be filthy sex.

AND he’d have clean ears.

My (rather large) stomach.

Seriously, why do people think they can comment on the size of your stomach when you are pregnant?

I saw possibly the fattest woman in the world at the supermarket yesterday but I didn’t consider, not even for a moment, to say ‘oh my god, look at your stomach!’

It was tempting though, especially because she had way too many packets of Tim Tams in her trolley, but I managed to keep my mouth shut.

Until I got home and ate my own packet of Tim Tams that is.

But apparently because I am pregnant it’s totally fine to comment on my stomach.

And my boobs.

Usually I just shrug, blush and feel like crying but hold it together (because no one likes a crying pregnant woman), or if it’s a close friend tell them to fuck off. But from now on I am going to try a new approach.

The following are some of the actual comments I have received. There have been more but these are some of the best. And below them are going to be my new responses.

Wow, you’re big aren’t you?

Wow, you’re a bitch aren’t you?’

Oh my god, look at your belly! It’s SO big!

Oh my god, look at your arse, it’s SO fucking huge!

Wow, you’re showing rather a lot aren’t you?

Wow, you’re showing how stupid you are, aren’t you?’

Far out mate, your boobs have got pretty big haven’t they?

Far out mate, your boobs have got droopy haven’t they?

Gee, you’ve got a 10 pounder in there!

Gee, you’ve clearly got no brain in there!

But the real killer is, they’re right. I am huge, my boobs are massive and it is likely to be a 10lb baby. With a HUGE head.

Fuckers.

Right, where was I?

Ah yes, I'd just come back from a big break and promised to be back soon. Oops, it's the next year even. But lots to tell so hopefully you'll forgive me.

Starting with getting married! Yep, S and I threw a garden party at the end of November to celebrate the baby, the business, my birthday and Christmas and added a wedding to the mix.

It was the best day - very casual but very pretty, lots of good food and wine and all our favourite people. I wore purple, Riley was the best man and S gave me a very large diamond - truly the best day!

I still had a sore arse though.

And then Christmas came and it was pretty average to be honest. Lots of running around after other people and rushing to get places.

And the worst thing of all? NO pavlova!

And then the second worse thing?

An operation on that arse.

Oh. My. God.

Being pregnant meant I couldn't have a general. Ouch.

Fuck me, 10 days later my eyes are still watering remembering it. The upcoming birth will be a breeze compared to that. Even with the very fat head this baby is likely to have.

It's fixed it though. My arse is sore no longer.

What on earth can I possibly blog about now?