Just when we all thought, me included, that I couldn’t possibly write about my arse or the gold plated arse cream any more, here I am. Sorry.
OK, so the bum cream, all $70 worth, has had a big impact but not quite big enough and I had to see a specialist bum doctor last week.
BTW, how does one become a bum doctor? Do you think kids grow up saying “when I get bigger I am going to be a bum doctor”? Is it up there with super heroes, fairy princesses and firemen? And if they do dream of it, I wonder if they have a back up choice that is equally gross like, I dunno, embalmer or dental hygienist.
I just don’t get how anyone can choose to look at arses all day. And it’s multiple too – the doctor told me that she saw about 5 or 6 cases of my condition each day. And that’s just my type of sore bum. I imagine she would see lots of patients with colon cancer, haemorrhoids and heaps of other arse complaints each day. Actually I don’t know what other arse complaints there could be but I am sure there are heaps of them and she gets to look at them too.
Oh and just so you know, I don’t need to know what the other conditions are and thanks, but I don’t need to see any photos of any conditions either so please keep your arse photos the same place as your diet pills.
Right, so the bum specialist charged me $190 to have a look at my jacksy. Now, I might have a belly to give Homer Simpson a run for his money but I don’t have a large arse so it didn’t take that long, maybe 5 minutes tops which is a pretty good hourly rate. Plus a further $40 for some different bum cream and then, get this, this takes the cake, wait for it...
$80 for some things to stick right up my arse!
And they weren’t those vibrating ball things that I’ve seen at fuck-aware parties either.
Believe me, $80 bought me no pleasure at all. Not that I personally think vibrating things up your arse would give you much pleasure anyway but whatever.
On second thoughts I can now poo without feeling like I am pooing glass so there's some pleasure in that.
But is it $80 worth of pleasure?
Some new lippy and a couple of pairs of knickers probably would have given me more.
S too.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Wow, I know so much about your anus and we haven't even met yet! Thanks for the arse update. I will never take for granted a painless poo again.
ReplyDeleteP23 - if we do ever meet I'll make sure I bleach it so it's looking it's best for you!
ReplyDeleteThought I had best pop by as I noticed you were a relatively new follower of my intelligent musings. I am mighty glad that I did pop by because you are my sort of person, I talk about my vadge too much and you talk about your arse too much, how great would Christmas Dinner be if we were related???
ReplyDeleteHi Jules! I've actually been a lurker of yours for years - via Beck - but just got my head around the follower thing.
ReplyDeleteAnd I reckon Christmas dinner together would be bloody funny! Maybe not for all the old aunts and uncles, but who cares about them anyway?