Three in the bed.

Last night I had a threesome.

And S wasn’t one of the three. In fact, he’s out of town for the week so I have been enjoying having the bed to myself - I can sprawl right across it and I can even put my head under the covers without risking death.

Instead it was these guys I slept with.



Although I've always been partial to a man in uniform, I’m not really sure why they were in bed with me. I vaguely recall stuffing them in the pocket of my jeans on Sunday after my nephew threw them at me, but I wasn’t wearing my jeans in bed...

But anyway, why is that guy on the left looking so angry? We’ve talked about how I don’t have a future ahead of me as a hooker, but surely I can’t be that bad to sleep with that I make you angry?

Whereas the guy on the right with the stupid grin on his face, well he’s the only guy with facial hair like that that’d I’d ever sleep with and clearly he knows it.

Although neither him or I were smiling earlier this morning when I got up to take the dog out and stood on him.

Trust me when I say there is very little that hurts more than standing barefoot on Lego. It fucking hurts.

Except maybe trying to squeeze a baby that is almost 9lb and has a head the size of a watermelon, out of your vagina. That fucking hurts too.

And when that’s happening, you wish that you really had only slept with Lego men.