Dear Ms. Recruitment Consultant.

I just wanted to write and say thanks so much for the shit way you handled my application. You were really good at it. Being shit that is.

I am particularly impressed with how consistent you are. The way you never return my calls. Never. Or how you never reply to emails. Never. Consistently crap but consistent nevertheless.

And I really like when we do finally touch base and arrange a meeting, that you keep me waiting for 15 minutes in your reception. But I understand, with unemployment at an all time high in New Zealand I guess you’re really busy.

Oh and thanks heaps for pointing out to me that there is a recession going on because for a moment there I thought it was just something I had made up.

Thanks also for pointing out how marketing is often the first thing that gets cut from budgets – despite having managed large budgets for years, I had no fucking idea that was the case.

Anyway, thanks again. It was swell (like your arse in that ridiculously short skirt).

Cheers, Olivia

PS. Your card needs changing – your title is wrong. The letters o-n-s-l-t-a should be removed from the second word.