She made me do it.

There’s a high profile murder trial underway in New Zealand for a moronic guy named Clayton Weatherston. He’s charged with murdering his girlfriend by stabbing her 216 times. He’s admitted killing her but is claiming she provoked him to kill her because of the emotional pain she caused him. A huh, she made you do it. Nice one Clayton.

Not only is the guy a narcissistic freak but I think he thinks he looks like Russell Crowe. For that reason alone HE deserves to be stabbed.

Seriously though, hopefully he’ll rot in jail or be stabbed himself. And surely the NZ justice system will not fail the victim and her family. Surely.

If it does though, it will open a whole can of worms for NZ and the other freaks that live here. I mean, there have been a few people provoking me lately and I have a rather well stocked knife drawer. They should all be nervous.

Starting with the guy Mark who lives at the front of our drive way. No real reason, he just annoys me. That and he wears his trousers far too short. And it’s not that he’s just started doing it as a tribute to Michael Jackson either.

Then there’s the old lady next door who has 4 lemon trees and lets the lemons fall to the ground rotting, rather than share them around. Poor R is the only one who has small enough arms to fit through the gaps in the fence to pick up the lemons. He hates doing it and each time his arm is nearly broken apparently (although I think he might be exaggerating slightly, surely it can’t hurt THAT much?) but not only do we make him do it, now our other neighbour also comes looking for him when he’s caught short making a G & T. Poor R wouldn't have to be subjected to such child abuse if the old bag shared the lemons. Is that really too much to ask of your neighbour?

And don’t get me started on my friend who has lost something amazing like 40kgs recently. Sure she may look fantastic but I don’t so that’s plenty enough reason to stab her I reckon.

On Saturday it was the Chinese person who translated the assembly instructions for the office desk S and I put together. 2 hours later we had it sorted but in the meantime there really was almost a stabbing. And a cat kicked. And a divorce.

And finally the gas appliance repair man who argued with me last week and told me I was unreasonable to expect a fire I paid $5,000 for, to last beyond 3 years before it shit itself and then for it not to be covered by warranty.

Pfft, me unreasonable?

Please.

It’s not as if I’d stab someone who pissed me off or anything.